Tuesday, March 9, 2010

21 Weeks

My parents got Joe and me a wonderful book to read on our new journey - Someone Else to Love by Susan Polis Schutz.

Page 59 - I Am A Prisoner.
While this page doesn't really reflect how I am now, it does echo what I am feeling. There is a sudden rush of overwhelming anxiety and distress lately, like when I first hit adolescence. Suddenly everything is new, I became very conscious of myself, and I am so guilty, scared and embarrassed about everything I just want to hide away.

Why do I do that? I don't know. I guess I just feel fragile. I am no longer allowed to be who I was (page 25 reflects this so well). I became more conscious about environmental and personal hygiene, because it's not for me (the one thing I don't mind at all). Every now and then, new sensations pop up and I get freaked out so easily by it.

I am no longer in control of myself. I have to let go of so many things, especially whom I could have been. She will never be back. I will miss her. I am angry.

I don't like feeling this way.

But a good friend of mine told me, "The best things never come easy."

I am humbled, and I am happy.

*picture/scan was taken 3 weeks ago.


Aya said...

*pats head

You will be alright Mel :) You got into 'panic' mode when you reach adolescence, then you got into panic mode again when you were on your way down the isle.. now this is another new journey, a new wonderful chapter in life :) you will love this new life :)

Me going to KL in April. Hope i can meet u and mel/joe jr in your tummy XD

Psst: boy right? XD

Mel Celestial said...

heh heh... that will be a surprise ;)

Hanie said...

Mel, at your age now you're far more matured than I can ever be :)

BlackGargie said...

Eeh~?! You're pregnant~?! Far out~!! How come I just found out about this? LOL~! Congrats~!

Btw, just to let you know that I'm officially getting married~! Well, civil court wedding first, that is, on the 20th this month, then hopefully in a few months later the official church white wedding ^^

Utanapishtim said...

Congrats!!! I noticed you hadn't posted anything to DA in a while and was wondering what's up.

Here's to a new adventure for you!

Mel C said...

Hanie: Me? Matured? Hah hah! I wish it were true :P I want to go to Disneyland!

Jude: Congrats, Jude! Wishing you both a blissful and happy life ahead! <3

Utanapishtim: Yeah, sorry about my absence - it's due to other factors actually, but I'm going to remedy that :) thanks btw!